Don’t you know I have a baby and a toddler who, combined, keep me up through the night often enough? I definitely do not need you howling and pounding on my windows, stealing my sleep throughout the night. I also don’t need you waking up my toddler multiple times.
Love, Mad at You Mama
Dear One Child Me,
DO NOT plan and execute an elaborate first birthday party for your first child. Why? Because soon you will have a second child and that child’s infancy will zoom by in an instant. Suddenly you’ll realize that within a few months time it will be her turn for a first birthday. And you will also realize that you don’t have the time, energy, resources or money to throw another party for her. But your desire to avoid “second child syndrome” means that you know you will anyway.
Love, Two Child Me
Dear 50 year old man who I witnessed buying a bright red, furry, heart shaped pillow yesterday at 4pm.
Nice Try. Better luck next year.
Love, Every Woman in the World
I realize that standing up is so! incredibly! awesome! But honestly? When you’re sleeping? It’s best to just stay in a horizontal position. Trust me. It’ll work out better for all of us.
Love, Your Sleepy Mama
Dear Province of Ontario,
I do love that you have implemented a made up holiday in February. I mean, what is Family Day anyway? I would love it more, of course, if my husband didn’t have to work on this day and it could, in fact, be a family day. Don’t you know for me, every day is Family Day? All this means is that all the stores and fun things to do are closed so we have to stay home.
Love, This here SAHM
Dear Belgian Chocolate K-Cups,
My heart is yours. Forever.
Love, Caffeine Addicted Mama